Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
