the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
