just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
