i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
