You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
