I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
