i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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