dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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