My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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