This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
