happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
