Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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