what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
