He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
