i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
