Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
