why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
