Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
People with herpes should wear stickers.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
