Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
