matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
