So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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