True but thats because hes a fetus.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
