i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
