my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
