Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize