Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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