I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
