By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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