just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
