Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
