Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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