her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm at about main and main street
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
