Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
