last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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