apparently the secret to your success is patron
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
