Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize