You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize