sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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