Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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