I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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