Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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