Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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