Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
