By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
