Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
