we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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