I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
