cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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