I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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