She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
