I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we're making bets on your personal life
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
