I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
