Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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