she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
