For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
