i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize