i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
