I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
