She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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