thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
