I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
