There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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