Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
