so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you win again, gameday.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
