If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The uberlube is also flammable
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
