i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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