Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
