i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
