i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Terrible idea I love it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
