Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so let's talk penis.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
