so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
