You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
