who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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