its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
