Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
