at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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