In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
