It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize