i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
