She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
